Manage Your Menopause Mood Swings With the CTFO Technique

Last night, I was sitting on the couch with my partner, watching TV. The day had been good, and the mood was light. We were watching college basketball. My alma mater was playing, and the outcome was looking grim. As the game wore down and the last free throws were being taken, my husband flipped the channel.

“Hey! I was watching that!” I snapped. His eyes got big. He clicked back.

I cast my gaze down, ashamed. Had I just come undone that quickly? Over two foul shots? (And I mean, we were down by 19.)

And the most alarming aspect of this? I had gone from chill to anger to embarrassment in a single breath.

Mood Swings Are Real, but There’s Hope

The mind and body connection is powerful. So strong, in fact, that thoughts can change our sensations of pain and even promote healing in our bodies. And, of course, the opposite is true as well. Our physical sensations cue emotional responses and inform what we think.

It should come as no surprise, then, that a woman experiencing the physical and hormonal changes of menopause might also experience mood swings or emotional instability.

Yet, it does feel surprising, even shocking, at times. Perhaps it’s the speed at which we feel a change or the severity of the swing. For some, it can even be the mystery of what sparked the shift to being with.

In all phases of life, especially midlife, we can benefit from recognizing our bodily sensations before assigning an emotion that goes with it. For example, we may feel angry if we get cut off in traffic. We know we’re angry because we feel the clenching of our jaw, and our face gets flushed. Our grip on the steering wheel tightens. There’s a split second where we sense this physically yet have a choice as to the meaning we make of the situation at hand and how we respond. We can go from alarm to stewing anger, or we might go from alarm to relief.

Strengthening your physical awareness might not reduce the challenges in your life, per se. Still, it does give you a choice of who you’d like to be in situations that begin to induce anxiety, irritation, and stress. This is mindfulness at its very best, a gentle and curious acceptance of self.

And as difficult as it might be to believe, mood swings and irritability carry a positive intention. We can recognize this, take a deep breath, and give ourselves some grace. That anger I experienced in traffic? Well, of course, I wanted to protect myself and my family. The irritability about the project at work not being done as you asked? It’s only a message that you care about the quality of the outcome. The underlying intention is good, so let’s explore how we can empower ourselves to respond rather than react.

Identify Your CTFO (Chill the F&$! Out) Mechanism

I study under a meditation teacher who is absolutely lovely, by all definitions of the word. She seemingly floats through the room as I doze off to the sound of her soothing melody. At a retreat, a student asked in earnest, what we can do when we feel a tidal wave of emotion or stress, especially when we’re in a public place or interacting with others. She smiled gracefully, “You mean you want to chill the f&$! out, on-demand?” Everyone nodded. I mean, would that not be the best life skill ever?

The instructor guided us through a few collective deep breaths and asked us to scan back through the week, taking stock of stressful interactions or strong feelings of anger, anxiety, and frustration. We were investigating ourselves for subtle behaviors that returned us to calm, simply taking the time to notice ourselves without judgment. It was a breakthrough experience, teaching me the fundamentals of creating my own CTFO mechanism.

My CTFO works like a charm. I take a deep breath, hold it in, and stretch my body like I just woke up. Fingertip to toe, one long line of energy. Then I relax and let the breath go in a loud rush of air. It’s key that I exhale audibly. Whatever is in me, I want it out of me, and the loud sigh makes me feel like I’ve accomplished that. Almost all of our stress reduction techniques involved a change of physicality plus an upgrade of oxygen intake. It makes sense, considering we shorten our breath under stress, and we also have the ability to change our state of mind by moving.

What might a CTFO moment look like for you? Putting a technique into practice is especially helpful for women in midlife who may be experiencing frequent mood swings during menopause. Yes, it will make you feel better, but it also creates options when emotions run high. And when we have choices, we’re in control. Always.