Your Guide to Using Personal Lubricants

Even if you’ve never used a lubricant before, the hormonal changes of menopause can present a new set of challenges with vaginal dryness and discomfort with intercourse. For more about these changes, don’t miss the articles linked below and Midday’s guided program on managing vaginal dryness.

The truth is, lubricant feels great! Regardless of someone’s age or vaginal symptoms, lube has been found to increase women’s sexual satisfaction.

If you’re new to using lubricants, this guide has everything you need to know to get started shopping. Even if you’ve used lubricants before, you may find that you want to try a new product around menopause as vaginal tissues change.

Lubricant is Your Friend

Here’s what lube can do for you:

• Counteract vaginal dryness and reduce abrasions of the tissues
• Allow for more pleasurable stimulation of nerve endings
• Reduce your apprehension about sex and penetration that may have developed over time with menopause-related changes
• Make sex more pleasurable, especially when using condoms or other barrier methods

Picking the Right Lube for You

There’s no one perfect lubricant because everyone has different needs, preferences and skin sensitivities. Before you go comparison shopping, know the types of lubricant so you can narrow in on the category that will work best for you.

Water-based

• The upsides: Best for easy clean up (washes right off); most versatile; works well with sex toys and having sex in the shower or anywhere water is involved
• The downside: May require reapplication because it can evaporate more quickly than other types of lube

Silicone-based

• The upsides: Silky smooth and long-lasting like oil, but less likely to harm healthy vaginal bacteria; works well in water
• The downside: Not compatible with silicone sex toys; may leave a sticky residue

Oil-based

• The upsides: Lasts the longest; offers a more natural choice for women who are sensitive to additives commonly found in water- and silicone-based lubes
• The downsides: Can stain your sheets; not appropriate to use with condoms; may contribute to vaginal infections if you are already prone to them

Hybrids

• Hybrid lubricants offer the best of both worlds and are commonly a hybrid between water and oil or water and silicone based products.

Ingredients to avoid:

• Menthol and capsaicin. These are added to lubes for “cooling” and “warming” effects, respectively. While it’s meant to spice up your routine, it can also lead to skin irritation and pain in many people, especially after menopause.
• Chlorhexidine. This is a preservative added to lubricants like KY Jelly and Surgilube. It’s worth avoiding because it can destroy some of the helpful bacteria in the vaginal microbiome.

Pro Tips for Using Your Lube

• Keep your lube handy near the bed so that you’re ready to go.
• Start with an amount the size of a quarter. You may need more or less depending on the formula and degree of vaginal dryness.
• Be liberal with your application and reapply as needed, especially if you are using a water-based product.
• Lube is not just for penetration. Start using it anytime external or internal friction is involved. If you start using lube earlier, during foreplay, you’ll maximize your pleasure during the entire experience. Don’t be afraid to apply it to the vulva (external), fingers, internal and external toys, and a partner’s penis.
• If cold lube dampens the mood, warm it between your hands or place the bottle in a bowl of warm water for about 10-15 minutes prior to use.
• If you’re trying a new lubricant, it’s helpful to have both you and your partner apply it to your genitals outside of a sexual encounter. If it irritates either of your skin, you can wash it off and move on without affecting your intimacy.

If you’re new to lubricants, it may take some trial and error to find the one that best suits you both. You will probably have some mishaps along the way, but with a sense of humor and patience, you’ll get it dialed in.